Blog 06-29-2010

Blog 06-29-2010

Woke up early again today and still feeling very tired. I have no energy and not having a good state of mind. My decision making is off line. Which makes it hard for Rachael and I am so sorry for making it harder for her. She deserves much better than having to take care of me. I am just stubborn and think I can do it by myself. I just keep praying that the Lord will give me the strength and energy I need to help Rae. Since starting Clinical Dialysis it has been a hard transition from home hemodialysis. The reason I changed is because I was missing things during and after the dialysis. This morning while making breakfast I fell for no reason, just lost my balance and fell. Maybe it is time to look into assisted living, taking the burden of Rachael. This is a decision I need to talk to her about and ask the Lord for guidance. It is strange that the first six years on dialysis was a peace of cake. I did everything myself, had the energy, the stamina. It went well. This time around I have had so many problems and it has weighed heavy on my families life. I am at a loss. Talked to the doctors today during dialysis, they are upping EPOETIN which should help but they did that Saturday. I still felt tired and listless. I feel lost and abandoned. Please Lord intervene I really need you healing and grace.

God Bless

Bear